A part of me is dead and it will nv go back to before.

I think the hardest part is how to recover from this kind of pain that you put all your heart n soul into.  It came right back slapping at ur face to wake the fuck up.   

You are not that impt you know. 别把自己当一回事!

Hey! Its so painful u know when the lie keep uncovering itself. Stfu

好累。

有点想放弃。

Wow

I really hate myself now.

And the irony.

The time I first pen down my thoughts after soooooooo long

slap right  back into my face like a wake up call. HEY U MF. WAKE UP

Have u ever  felt ur heart feeling so pain that  even breathing hurts.

I did.

It is so painful til i feel nauseous. 

好累

真的很不喜欢自己现在这个样子....

You know the kind of pain that u try to hold it in so bad?

Every  moment  u feel like crying but you have to hold it in.

You tilt ur head up, close your eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.. but somehow it doesn't work...

I tried so hard to not think n not feel but I can't...

This is so difficult.  I dono how I should move on.. or when can I really move on...

dread

U know the home u used to love going back to...

U dread it now 

你一直在付出，在守护的变得一文不值..

pain

Have you  ever go thru a pain  that feels like you are shattered. 

太痛了 

when the world crash down....

Will you perish or will you live..

Or

Should u perish  or should u live...

When u look back.... you  feel pain... and  pain is all you feel..

太痛了 it feels like a fucking slap in your face 

Every  quiet moment when u feel the pain  in ur heart you can't even describe. I don even know how to go on.. too raw... to painful..

oh wow!

Was looking for a place to pen down some thoughts and  surprise that blogger is still around ! 

Log in the app and  was even more pleasantly surprised to look back at my old posting! 2012. That's 13 years ago! Almost forgot how I used to pen down all my thoughts.

13 years later. I think I have lost the old me. With more responsibilities of family and adult, becoming a mother , a wife. Not everything  I can share as freely and as openly as I wan to. Sometime loneliness engulfs me and I don even know who to speak to. Sounds kind of sad but well that's life.  

Life become mundane. The first few years of motherhood was a whirldwind. I don even recognise myself. It was a mixture of happiness, uncertainties,  confused, anxious, sadness, anxiety.  A huge emotions up and down.